Monday, September 19, 2011

A Final Farewell to my Shitty Surfboard

See that beautiful Source board to the left there?  That's a surfboard.  What do I ride?  Not a surfboard.  What I ride is a shitty surfboard.

I took off to Tofino last night.  I wanted to see if the training is paying off.  It's not like anyone would notice - Nadine is working all week and I don't like working at night anyway.  So I get there late, doze off in the car for a few hours, and hit the beach early when nobody's around.

Good thing too, because it was cold and I did a lot of yelping that would have been embarrassing if it had been heard.  That Quicksilver vest is going to be a must-have this winter, but I figured, I came all this way so might as well gut it out.

I was trying to figure out if I want to keep my big softop, so I took it out and it's got zero stability, insane in a board that size.  I figured it must be me, but it isn't.  I tried everything.  Nothing worked.  Surf rodeo, the damn thing wants you off.

Ended up wiping out, of course.  Avoided faceplanting but damned if the board didn't clock me right in the face.  I still can't figure out how it did that.  The waves must have pushed that big 8'2" bastard under because it was going like a freight train by the time it hit me, and one of the fins missed my left eye by maybe an inch.  Again, good thing there was nobody around because there's nothing worse than being heard yelling at or about your board.  If anything was going to maul me, I figured it would be a cougar, since they just shot one at Cox yesterday, but nope!

I brought some seawater back with me and between using that and aloe vera it's healing fast.  It's always my face that gets it.  Once this heals, I'm lightening my whole face and protecting it better after that.  I can't afford to have skaterface.

On the plus side, nothing got broken (this time) and I managed to get some upper-body rippage, so no gym today, which will give me time to get creative with the makeup.

That board retires now.  I've used other boards and everything was okay, enough to know that any problems were my fault.  With this board, it's not me.  I got it used, and it didn't cost much, and now I know why.  I'm not even giving it away, it can stay in the spare room with its bad juju.

Time for a California board.  New, smaller, beautifully shaped by Nick Palandrani.  I am so glad that Storm has them.  I love the one in that photo, but will have to rent a few different sizes and shapes first to see what works best before shelling out.

Here's a video of Rob Morris (Australia) launching a beautiful hollow timber board that took him a year to make.  It must be sick on big waves.

Nicole Kelly
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  1. take ur time finding the best board, big investment! don wan tae get shite agin. come surf strathy an i'll show ye yelpin cold ha ha

  2. many faceplants/facesmashes does that make? I think you need to start wearing a helmet everywhere LOL! Forget the Cali Cure, turns the whole thing black and puffy - try polysporin (the kind with the lidocaine in it). And quit going surfing alone! What if another cougar came or a rip caught you or something? Call us - we're right there. Agree on the board, it should be replaced but trade it in, someone will get along with it. The Source boards here, you're looking at 800 - 1K depending - big improvement and big savings over ordering U.S. With finish, paint, suit etc. you will need about 3K total so save your pennies and see you soon.

  3. /facepalm

    That 8'2" board is way too big and heavy. You're 20 pounds lighter than you were when you bought it and you could barely handle it then. It could have knocked you out and you'd have drowned. I DID notice you were gone as a matterafact, and I knew where you went 'cause you put "Surfing" on the whiteboard. Palm trees and a smiley sun are NOT sufficient detail! The next note better say which beach (I would have guessed Chesterman) and when you'll be back. If you don't come back, I'd like to at least know where you died so I can set up one of those beach memorials you hate :P Seriously though, no more longboards please. 6 - 7 feet and perfectly shaped = more fun, less danger. That Palandrani would be perfect for you.

  4. @ Nadine: Too right, thanks & sries. Come with us when we go shopping! Gonna be a party after.

  5. I'll take that shredder off your hands to use for lessons if you want. Call me.


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